The Bottom Line
This is the first year the KC Guyz have played a win against the median, so in our lead story, we searched through the archives to review how every manager would have fared if we’d had median scoring from the beginning to determine who among the KC Guyz has the Biggest Bottom, measured by bottom half performances.
We won’t bury the lede: it’s Connor. Connor is by far the most cheeks franchise
Editor’s Note: Yes, that’s how you spell lede.
| Rank | Guy | Record | Win % Against Median |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Connor | 34–48-1 | .410 |
| 2 | Chris | 35–48 | .422 |
| 3 | Trey | 36–47 | .434 |
| 4 | Matt | 37–45-1 | .446 |
| 5 | Jordan | 39–44 | .470 |
| 6 | John | 41–42 | .494 |
| 7 | Sam | 36–34 | .514 |
| T-8 | Collin | 43–40 | .518 |
| T-8 | Travis | 43–40 | .518 |
| 10 | Andrew | 37–32 | .536 |
| 11 | Spencer | 50–33 | .602 |
| 12 | Zisman | 55–28 | .663 |
Chris and Connor are tied at 48 bottom half performances apiece. You’d think Chris’s one extra win settles it, but your commissioner spares no expense, so we pulled a second tiebreaker.
All Time Most Bottom Performances
Here’s how many times each manager has posted the bottom score of the week:
With the Biggest Bottom of the median chart, the Biggest Bottom of the low-score chart, and the reigning Toilet Bowl Champ, we are pleased to reveal that Connor has, by any measure, the Biggest Bottom of the KC Guyz. With his Big Bottom, we’re starting to wonder if Connor secretly loves getting spanked.
Speaking of Bottoms, how about a Full Moon
Our service to you, our readers, continues with an analysis of how each of the Guyz has performed in NFL weeks where a full moon fell on a game day.
Editor’s Note: Those 9 weeks: 2020 Weeks 4 and 12, 2021 Week 2, 2022 Week 5, 2023 Week 12, 2024 Week 7, and 2025 Weeks 1, 5, and 13.
Matt and John, who ranked 4th and 5th worst against the median, power up like waterbenders under a full moon. While Sam is cursed like a werewolf.
| Rank | Guy | Record with a Full Moon |
|---|---|---|
| T-1 | John | 7-2 |
| T-1 | Matt | 7-2 |
| T-3 | Ryan | 6-3 |
| T-3 | Trey | 6-3 |
| T-5 | Jordan | 5-4 |
| T-5 | Travis | 5-4 |
| T-7 | Collin | 4-5 |
| T-7 | Spencer | 4-5 |
| 9 | Andrew | 3-4 |
| 10 | Connor | 3-6 |
| 11 | Chris | 2-7 |
| 12 | Sam | 0-7 |
The next full moon on a game day falls in Week 7, when Sam faces none other than Connor, the Biggest Bottom himself. That game could very well be a blowout.
The Curse of the Bad Guyz, Continued
Last week we introduced the Cursed Crew. The curse continues. Jordan drops to 0-4 after the Patriots torment him by scoring 21 points on his bench. Trey drops to 0-4 with Nacua Out. John takes an L despite scoring the 4th-most points of the week.
Jordan also joins Trey as the season’s second recipient of the Double Up award, earned when your opponent scores at least twice your points. Congratulations on your League Legacy achievements.
Rambo’s Revenge
Collin Green, owner of Rambo, was voted Most Likely to Finish Last in our KC Guyz Rewind.
Now 4-0, we asked what he thought of the guyz for suggesting he’d be last:
“I know ball, and they can ligma balls.”
And what he wants his haters to know:
I just thought it was really funny that Connor took Jaxson Dart 5 rounds before I took Mahomes. Everyone is so dumb! Mahomes is QB3, and I got him in the 11th round. And everyone else is like “I’m going to draft Drake Maye, I’m going to draft Jaxson Dart, I’m going to draft Joe Burrow” [all in the 6th round]. I got Mahomes in the 11th round, idiots. Jayden Daniels too. Everybody is so dumb.
Collin also asked us to post Jordan’s preseason rankings. He says they speak for themselves
Editor’s Note: Unlike Jordan’s predictions, the RDK has successfully predicted Ryan, Collin, and Spencer in the top 4.
Good luck to all as we prepare for week 3.
