By the Office of the Candidacy for Commissioner
In contrast to the frenetic finishes of years past, the final week of this fantasy football season arrives with an unfamiliar quiet. Most playoff berths are secured. Most Toilet Bowl fates sealed. The drama, such as it is, now lives in the margins.
League engagement has mirrored the lull: total messages have fallen by 50 percent, while joy has plummeted an estimated 60 percent year over year since this administration left office.
We encourage everyone to read the recent articles written by former commissioner and reigning Toilet Bowl Champion, Matt O’Neil.
We remain committed to the Hope of the KC Guyz, and promise, like the heir of Isildur once named Strider and leader of the Fellowship, we will return to protect our people.
Now, with the standings largely immovable, we look to the few storylines worth sharing. Presented here in order of our own subjective interest.
Storylines
Trey Kennedy
Kennedy improbably finds himself within reach of the No. 1 seed after a season shadowed by controversy, chiefly his enthusiastic “randomization” of the league schedule until it delivered him the easiest slate in KC Guyz history. Should he win and Zisman lose, Kennedy would claim the top seed and land on the easier side of the bracket.
The symmetry is striking: a commissioner massaging the schedule, and only Kennedy and Zisman affected by the consequences, feels eerily reminiscent of the 2024 season.
Jordan Bosch
Bosch can avoid the dreaded Toilet Bowl bye with a win. Ironically, his original opponent, Spencer Mobley, appears disinterested in fielding a full lineup, declining to replace his vacant quarterback slot, which means Bosch might have been better off keeping the original schedule. He also needs Arends to lose. Fate, however, has Arends facing Mobley this week, effectively guaranteeing Bosch the toilet-bye he hoped to avoid.
Matt O’Neil
A win against Kennedy would place O’Neil onto the easier side of the bracket and set up a likely Week 16 rematch with Trey, a rivalry that began a near quarter-century ago.
Should he continue his High Points streak, O’Neil could overtake Zisman for Most Points if he can outscore him by 25.
Spencer Mobley
As he will enter the playoffs as either the 3 or 4 seed, it appears Mobley has opted to not drop any player on his roster, leaving his QB spot conspicuously empty, and likely taking the L resulting in a 4 seed.
With a banged up Amon-Ra St. Brown and Drake London, Mobley hopes to get healthy ahead of his likely week 16 rematch against longtime rival the FSB Zuggernauts.
Ryan Zisman
If he can hold his 25 point lead ahead of O’Neil, Green, and Mobley, Zisman is poised to secure yet another season-long High Points title.
A win this week guarantees him the 1-seed despite #ScheduleGate and the Draft Doubters.
Chris Wahrman
Wahrman enters the week effectively on bye. A loss may benefit him by throwing him on the easier side of the playoff bracket (the side featuring King Kommish), A win will not change his playoff standings.
Collin Green
One of the rare matchups with real implications. Green opened the season 6–0, only to spiral into a league-record seven-game losing streak. A loss here could push him out of the winners’ bracket entirely if Gilmore takes care of Norton or if Lamb pulls off an upset against a coasting Wahrman.
Despite current trends, Green still has a shot at this year’s Season High Points.
John Gilmore
Should John win and Collin lose, John would make the playoffs with a .500 record
Connor Lamb
A league favorite and perennial source of joy, Lamb faces a steep climb: he must win against Wahrman and hope for losses from both Green and Gilmore. The KC Guyz may root for Little Lamb, but the math is merciless.
As longtime readers know, this office stands with math.
Travis Cotton
Once favored by ESPN’s Watson to make the playoffs, Cotton fell victim to his own apathy with only 9 waiver wire moves this season. A loss would not change Cotton’s toilet bracket but a win would likely put him on the easier side of the bracket.
Sam Arends
Arends may have over indexed on the Bears as fantasy assets this season despite the Bears 1-seed in the NFC. To his credit, Arends has the third most points against. With the 8th most points, we project Arends’ season ending with a win the first week of the toilet bowl bracket.
Andrew Norton
Norton firmly planted his white flag once he renamed his team Lace ’Em Up! As the only manager yet to eclipse 1,500 points, he now stares down the half-marathon punishment. In a year when half the league completed endurance events, Norton may be among the least aerobically fit and will therefore make for the most enjoyable Toilet Bowl Champ experience.
KC Guyz 