By Matthew O’Neil, Contributing Writer
History
While other organizations cling to records, streaks, or deeply irrelevant moral-victory titles, Ring, Ring holds the only statistic that matters: Championships. Not only was he the first, fastest, and still only franchise to reach two titles, he’s also made the playoffs four times (joint-top) and boasts a borderline-illegal 6–4 postseason record with a .600 win percentage.
Benjamin Franklin famously said, “In this world nothing is certain except death and taxes.”
If he were alive today, he’d absolutely add a third certainty: Spencer making the playoffs.
Draft
By most accounts Spence’s draft can be defined as “mid” his first 5 selections were, in this order,
- Amon Ra St. Brown (WR 4)
- Chase Brown (RB 16)
- Mazda Marv (WR 35)
- James Connor (RB 70)
- Jaylen Waddle (WR 15)
However, we can say, he is the owner of the best value in the entire draft this year. With pick 15.8, after the league selected 175 players Spenc drafted QB3 – Drake “Drake Maye” Maye.
*shoutout to Jordan for drafting Jake Ferguson at 15.4. Great value but second to the Maye pick
Best Transaction
We have two moves that defined Spetcor’s 2024 campaign.
First: the Week 4 trade with local Bears superfan Sam. Spotor shipped out Rome Odunze and a third-string RB in exchange for Woody Marks and Drake London.
Second: the following week, Sponsor casually plucked Rico Dowdle off waivers for $4—the kind of move that usually disappears into the transaction log, never to be spoken of again.
Except these two moves combined to generate a net of 254 points for his organization.
A franchise-altering swing. A portfolio-balancing masterpiece. Warren Buffett is taking notes from inside his Camry.
Turning Point
Adding Rico Dowdle saved Spicer’s season. Full stop.
That unassuming $4 waiver pickup delivered 164 points, stabilizing a roster spot that had been a rotating cast of disappointments. Finding a playable running back on waivers is a win.
Finding a top-10 running back on waivers?
That’s the fantasy-football equivalent of discovering a working ATM in the woods that only dispenses twenties and never asks for a PIN.
Quote
We asked Sporktor, “We’re collecting quotes from playoff-hopeful teams—care to provide one?”
He responded with, “Anyone but Zisman.”
After extensive internal review, our team has determined Sponktor is referring to a deep and well-founded fear of being absolutely dunked on by Zisman in the postseason. We respect the honesty but we do not respect his fear.
Playoff Outlook
Sporktor’s team is dealing with some injuries he hopes clear up by next week (London and Mazda Marv) with those two in his lineup our writer’s like his odds to score somewhere in the mid 130s. Without them, his lineup is as toothless as a cafeteria at the local old folk’s home.
KC Guyz 