Our news desk asked John for a comment on his outlook for his upcoming appearance in the 2025 Toilet Bowl, and he sent me a five-minute and thirty-second voice message. Below is the transcription in its entirety. One of our senior writers has added commentary, found in [brackets].
Yeah… you can do whatever you want with this, but I’m taking this opportunity to complain about my trash team. I honestly think I had one of the best drafts I’ve ever had in this league, and my team immediately stopped performing the moment the draft ended.
First-round pick: guaranteed, locked-and-loaded superstar Justin Jefferson.
[Who was playing with JJ McCarthy, a rookie quarterback. The risk was always there.]
Sucks.
Second round: A.J. Brown — WR4 last year.
Sucks.
Third round: I take the up-and-coming sophomore rushing quarterback Jaden Daniels. Before he got hurt?
Sucked.
Then he got hurt. Well, there goes the neighborhood.
Fourth round: You know what? For the first time ever, I’m going to try a stack — Daniels with Terry McLaurin. Terry McLaurin proceeded to have the worst start to a season of maybe any fantasy player.
[Terry, who is now 30 years old, was always at risk of busting due to his age. The hit rate for WRs over 30 is very, very low.]
Fifth round: “Time to take a running back, boys!” Trayvion Henderson… whose coach absolutely hated him.
Sixth round: I’m still on fire. This is John’s 2025, my guy. I took him everywhere. He’s obviously on pace for an incredible year. Time for a tight end — let’s go, David Njoku. Year-to-date he’s TE… what? Twenty-six?
[He’s a Brown. Don’t draft Browns.]
Dude, the fact that I even had a duck fart of a chance to sniff the playoffs is ridiculous. My first six picks were busts. It’s like I didn’t even have draft picks for the first six rounds. And somehow all the dum-dums in our league still let me get close? What is happening?
[Almost making the playoffs is the same as not making the playoffs. Duck farts or not.]
I will say I had a couple of hits at the end. I grabbed Jalen Warren and Javonte Williams back-to-back in the seventh and eighth. And somewhere around the tenth, I think, I threw Judkins in there. Those three players basically single-handedly carried me. They’re the only real guys on my team. That’s it.
So yeah — obviously I’m not in the playoff bracket, but let’s be honest… it didn’t help that I dropped Vidal [and Wan’Dale Robinson, who ended the regular season as WR10 — he’s now a key component on The Super Team] the same morning the Chargers announced Omarion Hampton as their starting running back. Sunday morning. I drop Vidal. He immediately scores 20 points and becomes one of the best pickups of the year. I had him. And I dropped him right before he went off.
I also did a full FAAB dump on Tracy. Played him for two weeks — terrible. Brutal schedule the rest of the way. So I dropped him… and he proceeded to be really good for the next three or four weeks. I also had Booty at one point.
So yeah — it’s really annoying. And again, take whatever you want out of this. But dude, my process was sound.
[It was not.]
I can defend every decision I made. They were just all unluckily wrong.
So I sit here like… I don’t know, man. What are you going to do? Sometimes it’s fantasy. Sometimes you work as hard as you can, walk out of the draft thinking, “Dang, I love my effing team,” and then — nope. Actually, every single one of your top six picks is going to have the worst season of their career.
Alright, cool. I’ll just sit here and listen to Zis and Trey suck their own d***s in the chat for a while. I guess that’s fun for some people?
Yeah. This is the way the world ends. This is the way the world ends.
Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
KC Guyz 